Grateful...

Today again I just wanted to have a gratitude list...sometimes, that is all that can help me keep sober...

Today I am grateful for:

• Another day to treat my disease, I dont have to drink today just to stop thinking.
• That I can wake with a clear head and heart, and not owe amends from something stupid I did at a superbowl party.
• Another week that I have a job...
• Having a number of meetings I can go to, whenever I feel the need.
• Fellowship...
• Trusting God..

The blame game...

"He that is good at making excuses is seldom good at anything else." Benjamin Franklin

When I was drinking it was always someone else's fault. There was never responsibility on my part. I made excuses for everything and everyone. Never was it my fault or something that I could have prevented. Today in sobriety I try not to make excuses, I pause and react and see my part in things. When I say I am going to do something, I really make an effort to do it. When I don't I try my hardest not to excuse my behavior. I feel this is something we as people work long and hard at...

I believe we all try and make excuses, whether we are alcoholics or not, and that when we truly sit in our feelings and emotions we can see what the real problem is or was. That is what I strive for everyday, not making excuses and accepting me for me, and others for themselves.

Today I am grateful for:

• Being sober for Superbowl.
• My reset button.
• The speaker which spoke of insanity and how much I related last night.
• Slowly learning not to be critical.

Self-WIll run riot...

"If you do not conquer self, you will be conquered by self." Napoleon Hill

In life, as in our program, we tend to listen to ourselves more than we should. I have heard many times in the rooms, "It's my best thinking that got me here." Any selfish motives in life lead us to bad things. For me it was the instant calming and gratification of drinking. For others, it might be any number of things. The reality is that as long as we run a life on self-will, we will not succeed. Whether we are alcoholics or not. There is a story in the Big Book on page 60 that compares alcoholics to actors who try to control or "put-on" the whole show. The lights, orchestra, director, all the parts..etc...we cannot do that in life. We cannot control everything around us...when we try we only fail, and fall hard.

For me, I try to slow down and not to listen to self. To try to stay connected to my Higher Power and what is best for me. Sometimes I think what I should do and do the exact opposite. That is powerful for me, because as I said before, it was my best thinking that got me here.

Today I am grateful for:

• Spending some early morning time with my daughter alone...she is fun..
• My wife and her caring attitude towards my recovery.
• That some differences happened at my meeting and when asked I could say, "I don't have an opinion." and stay out of it. I never would have done that in the past...always sticking my nose where it doesn't belong.
• God changing me.

Humble Pie..

"Where humility formerly stood for a forced feeding on humble pie, it now begins to mean the nourishing ingredient that can give us serenity." Twelve steps and twelve traditions of AA. pg. 74

There is a famous football star that has his own line of clothing and on the shirts it says.."I love Me some ME." That was me when I drank. I was the coolest, best looking, funniest, wittiest, and down right awesome person ever, and I made sure to tell you. In sobriety I am learning that I really had no self love at all....I hated myself.

I have heard many times in the rooms, "For someone who thought so little of themselves, I sure thought a lot about myself." That was me to the tee...never was I able to really love myself. The "it" I found that helped me with that was alcohol.

I am learning to love myself and be humble. It is such a long road that I must journey one day at a time.

Today I am grateful for:

• Making plans for our anniversary dinner, and knowing I have the tools to stay sober till then, and have a great time.
• My daughter and her cheery personality in the morning.
• Not obsessing so much on a problem I am having, giving it to God.
• Progress not perfection.

Slow and steady...

"Expect trouble as an inevitable part of life and repeat to yourself the most comforting words of all; this, too, shall pass." Ann Landers

In my program and my life I expect miracles, and they happen. My sobriety, my work, my daily life, my family, my daughter, all these things are nothing short of miracles considering how much damage I have done drinking. The truth of the matter is this. Not everything in life is going to be a miracle. Getting sober does not mean no more challenges.

For everyone, trials happen. Has anyone ever said "Bad things happen to Good people."? The truth is BAD THINGS HAPPEN!!! It is no surprise to anyone that I say this. Sometimes my EGO, says, "You quit drinking why is all this bad stuff happening, see you should just drink!". The reality is this, if I have four problems, and I go drink I will have at least one more, if not MANY MANY more.

In life, if we can stay centered and follow whatever path we choose to be right, and do it humbly. We shall reap many many rewards, here and in whatever life we believe afterwards.

Today I am grateful for:

• Progress rather than perfection.
• A new meeting tonight at the club that is supposed to be great.
• My voices slowly changing...
• ....and me having tools to change them.
• That I am not the only one in America lost when it comes to the show "Lost".

Change....

"To change and to change for the better are two different things."-German Proverb

In my program today I can be grateful for my change. In my life I have not always been grateful to be able to change. It was like I was going from one crazy to another crazy. It was not always pretty.

The important part in any process of change is that we see progress, however little. It took us many years and lies to get where we are today, there is no way to change those within seconds, hours, or days. Real change starts to take slowly as we turn towards our higher power, and let the change come from within.

Today I am grateful for:

• The change coming within.
• Learning to love myself and others as God loves them...
• Tolerance...
• Looking forward to the middle of the week being done!
• Treating my disease this morning!

Suit up and show up!

"Seventy percent of success of life is showing up." Woody Allen

In life we all want to be successful, whether with family, work, religion, our program...anything. I love this saying. It is very true in the program that if we just put our butt's in the seats our heads will follow.

Showing up to meetings, even when we do not want to will help us in our program. Showing up in life will help us also. Go do something good for others, just show up and be grateful you can be there...

Today I am grateful for:

• Clear Head.
• Meeting great people at the Alano club.
• Surrender.
• Not having to be hungover today.