Ourselves...

"Work out your own salvation. Do not depend on others." Buddha

In life we too often rely on others to "fix" our problems. Our spouses, our therapists, parents, co-workers, etc...How often I have heard "I am going to stay sober for such and such..." or "I go to Church because my parents want me to." Is this really what we want? Do we want what we do on a day to day basis, or do we rely on others for our motivation. The only way one can truly change is to really want it. Not to do it because someone else wants it. Now, if someone came into the program for someone else and stays for themselves, that is beautiful. If someone goes to church for someone else and finds their Higher Power on their own and stays for that, then it is awesome.

Their is a story I heard about a young boy who wanted to earn his allowance. His Mom told him that if he cleaned the windows really good, with no spots, he could have his allowance. He went outside and started to clean the windows, and scrubbed and scrubbed and scrubbed. He stayed out for so long his Mom came out. He said he was sorry but no matter how hard he cleaned, their were still spots on the window. His Mom smiled and told him that the spots were on the inside of the window and he needed to clean inside too.

This is like us, no matter how hard we clean the outside appearance, our inside must be clean to see no spots.

Like the program says...Clean House, Trust God, and Help Others. All will be well....

Today I am grateful for:

• Meeting today.
• Church and the message it brought to be committed to my Higher Power.
• My wife and her patience with our wonderful daughter in these wonderful times of a two year old!!!!
• My commitment to the program and my Higher Power growing everyday.
• Saying Thank You tonight. Thank you I didn't pick up today.

Keeping my side of the street clean...

This week there were a lot of trials for me to remember to stay on my side of the street, and to keep it clean. Some of the tests I passed, others I failed. However, in all of these instances, I remembered what I needed to do, I just didn't do it!!! The reality in life is that we all want to feel more than..more special than we are, more unique than we are, more important than someone else..etc...the reality is as long as my house is clean, I can invite other people over. I am not going to throw a Superbowl party and then ask you to clean my bathroom as you leave, am I? Expecting others to keep our streets or house clean is a joke. People will not, and frankly cannot, help us with our shortcomings, or insecurities. It comes from within, and from whatever Higher Power we have. Mine is God, and this week he worked with me, and is teaching me what I need to stay sober for today.

Today I am grateful for:

• My favorite meeting and getting a hug from an old sponsor that let me know everything was ok between him and I.
• Watching my daughter in her first gymnastics class, if I was not sober, I am not sure I would be allowed to do that, or be able to do that.
• Looking forward to another meeting tonight and tomorrow, I have some make-ups to do in my 90 in 90.
• God on my mind....
• .....and I am on His....

Calm...

"Muddy water, let stand, becomes clear." Lao-Tzu

I stole this from another blog I read. I LOVE IT! The more we sit in a situation, or our lives and are calm. The clearer answers become. Have you noticed that when there is chaos reigning around you the calmer you remain, the calmer the situation becomes. Either that or the chaos leaves where the calmness is....I just love this quote and there are so many interpretations. What is yours?

Today I am grateful for:

• Clear head and heart for today.
• Treating my disease.
• Working with others and beating my disease for today.
• God and His changing of my obsessions...
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Grateful...

Today I just want to be grateful...no special feelings, actually feeling tired, but in a good way.

Today I am grateful for:

• The beauty of the sunset over the ocean as I picked my daughter up.
• Sound mind today.
• Hearing the State of the Union with a clear head, I think I was not in a good place last year.
• My love for my family.
• God doing for me...

Brutal Honesty...Nature of my situation

"I am an alcoholic. If I drink I will die. My, what power, energy, and emotion this simple statement generates in me! But it's really all I need to know for today. Am I willing to stay alive today? Am I willing to stay sober today? Am I willing to ask for help and am I willing to be a help to another suffering alcoholic today? Have I discovered the fatal nature of my situation? WHat must I do, today, to stay sober?" Daily Reflections, January 26th pg. 34

My disease is progressive and terminal. Today I know this. I have no power over the second drink. My only defense comes before taking that second drink. I am breathing a sigh of relief that I don't have to drink anymore, I am relieved at this, not angry.

Today I am grateful:

• To keep finding good meetings.
• To keep fighting the fight.
• Work picking up.....
• Loving myself even more each day.

Patience...

I have been learning to be patient. In sobriety and life...I want to have 10 years of clarity of sobriety and NOT be patient to move through the process. Same in my business. I want things to happen NOW and not when they should or need to happen. The worst is that I want my Higher Power to do what I want NOW, when I want it and not when I know he KNOWS it is good for me.

I pray everyday for patience. With my wife, daughter, events, actions, people, places and things! The more patient we are in life, the better action we produce...!!!!

Today I am grateful for:

• The work phone call that I waited for, and the good outcome.
• Clearly waking up this morning.
• My daughter and her smile.
• The anxious feeling of the other shoe dropping slowly slowly leaving!

Direction...

Taking direction has always been hard for me, in and out of recovery. Even before I started drinking, there was something in me that did not want to listen. Today, I feel like I am starting to turn my will over to a Higher Power, and in truth all that means is taking direction. Whether it be from my sponsor, another alcoholic, my boss, a friend, my wife, my Higher Power or whomever, I feel that I keep an open mind and heart. That is really what this life is about. Keeping our Heart open and honest.

It makes sense to me that if our Heart is hurting emotionally, then we are not doing well. Think about it, if someone stabs you in the heart with a knife, if you don't get help ASAP you will die. Emotional hurt does the same thing to our spirit and soul. We need to heal this as soon as it happens. I do this by letting resentment go, helping others, and praying and speaking to my Higher Power. All of us, alcoholic or not, need to understand that we should take direction from others, and from our Higher Power. People who have been thru what we have understand better how to get to the other end. Sometimes if we just listen and follow direction our lives will be so much better....resisting this only makes it worse for us in the end.

Today I am grateful for:

• My sponsor.
• Being a little less anxious everyday.
• My daughter, and her reaction to watching the Ocean this morning.
• Being able to go look at the Ocean this morning, not everyone gets to do that. It is an experience of peace that nothing else can bring.
• My Higher Power directing me and showing me Love.