It seems that as I read the big book , the theme of insanity and insanity of alcoholics actions are everywhere. They give examples of people who knew they were alcoholics and yet were "powerless over the first drink". That is me. I have accepted that no power, other than my Higher Power, can keep me sober. Not me, not my wife, my kids, the thought of dying, nothing. In the end of Chapter 3 of the Big Book, it talks directly about only our Higher Power keeping us from that first drink. This is so true. I attended meetings when I first was trying to get sober where a guy used to say this is a "progressive and terminal disease" and that alcohol was "waiting outside that door doing push ups". Our disease only gets worse with time, not better. IT is waiting and is ready for us to again take that sip. I get a daily reprieve. That is what I am learning. I have not written for a couple days, things have been so hectic, but I know that if I don't continue to write, pray, meditate and read, I will not beat this. The daily thought talked about each time an alcoholic does any of these things, we are paying a bit towards our drinking insurance policy. Each of these things helps to insure us not to drink. But the reality is this, I am insane when it comes to alcohol. I must give my Higher Power control over my drinking. I alone will never succeed.
Today I am grateful:
- For the ability to meditate this morning in quiet time.
- My willingness to give it to God.
- Understanding better each day my helplessness over this disease.
- Friday and the nice weekend ahead.