For me this has a new meaning this time in sobriety. I was getting someone coffee this morning, and when I left I saw a big black limo parked outside the Starbucks. This was not odd, as I live right next to a major airport and the limos and drivers often hang out at Starbucks waiting for their fares. As I saw it, I completely flashed to a time on a bender that I was going to Las Vegas. I skipped the whole taxi line at the airport and paid almost $100 just to get in a limo, thinking I was so great. I don't know why I flashed so vividly on this memory, or what it meant. I cringed, I started down the path of hating myself and what I did. Then I stopped, I remembered this phrase in the Big Book and just accepted what I was. An alcoholic with a past, and that I was exactly where my Higher Power wanted me this morning. Getting coffee for a friend. In my previous attempts at sobriety this trigger could have sent me spinning into a self loathing and hatred that, if not the same day someday soon, would have me drinking again. Just because "Gee I did so many things wrong, how can I be forgiven, or even forgive myself." It was fitting that it was Easter morning, as my Higher Power believes that I can be forgiven, and that I, too, may rise again from the depths and be reborn. I get to do that each day, and to forgive myself is even more important.
Today I am grateful:
- For the Power of Forgiveness.
- The ability to remember the hurt, but not to repeat the hurt.
- Starting to understand the wreckage of my past, and to play the tape all the way through so as not to repeat it.